Karaoke, Akatsuki Style
by Pandasmoosh
Summary: Tobi decides the Akatsuki needs to have some fun and takes them to a Karaoke bar! Slight DeixTobi, DeixSaso, and ItaxKisa OOC, pure crack xD
1. Aint No Other Senpai

**Another crack fic from Mabel. wh00. :D**

**I don't own the Akatsuki.**

**Or "Ain't No Other Man" by Christina Aguilera.**

**-----x**

"Would someone like to explain to me how the hell I ended up here?" Sasori sat glumly at a small table in a bar. A Karaoke bar, none the less.

"Tobi wanted to come here, yeah. Said we all needed some fun." Deidara couldn't see what was so fun about karaoke. As far as he was concerned, it was something for lonely, drunk people. Not S-ranked criminals.

The only other two there were with them were Kisame and Itachi. Kakuzu and Hidan were on a mission, and, well, people just didn't take kindly to venus flytraps with split personalities. So Tobi had dragged them all out here. "I'd rather be home with my beautiful puppets..."

Suddenly, the lights dimmed and a man stepped up to the microphone. "Sup everyone! Welcome to Karaoke night! I'm sure you're all mad excited!" Everyone cheered. That is, everyone except for Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori. The man continued. "Now, we have our first singer. Everyone, welcome...Tobi...?" The Akatsuki members froze. Tobi? "What the hell is that idiot doing, yeah?"

A boy appeared on stage. He was wearing an orange swirly mask, and the Akatsuki cloak. "He's gonna get us all recgonized sooner or later..." Tobi walked up the microphone. "Hi everyone! It's me, Tobi! Hi Sasori-san! I see youuu!" He waved, and half the audience turned to Sasori. He replied by sending Tobi and the audience death glares. "Anyway, tonight Tobi is singing a song dedicated to his favorite person in the world! Deidara-senpai! I hope you like it, Deidara-senpaiii!"

Deidara turned about three shades of red, and sunk as low as possible into his seat. "Idiot, yeah..." The music started. It blared, and Tobi appeared by the microphone, his Akatuski cloak stripped from his body. In it's place was...a bright, sparkly, pink minidress. Deidara smacked his hand to his forehead. "We'd better get as drunk as possible, yeah..." And then Tobi started his song.

_(Do your thang honey)_

I could feel it from the start  
Couldn't stand to be apart  
Something 'bout ya caught my eye  
Something moved me deep inside  
Don't know what ya did boy, but you had it  
And I've been hooked ever since  
Told my mother, my brother, my sister, and my friends  
Told the others, my lovers, both past and present tense  
That every time I see you everything starts making sense

(Do your thang honey)

Tobi was up on stage, doing the most...ridiculous dance moves Deidara had ever seen. _Someone kill me now, yeah...Lightning bolt, stampede of fangirls, anything, yeah..._Sasori, seeing his partner's obvious discomfort, smirked. "Well Deidara, looks like you've got a secret admierer." Deidara glared. "Shut it, puppet boy, yeah."

_Ain't no other man can stand up next to you  
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do  
You're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon  
You got soul, you got class, you got style, you're bad ass  
Ain't no other man, it's true  
Ain't no other man but you_

Never thought I'd be alright (no, no no)  
'Til you came and changed my life (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
What was cloudy now is clear, yeah, yeah  
You're the light that I needed  
You got what I want boy, and I want it  
So keep on giving it up  
So tell your mother, your brother, your sister, and your friends  
Tell the others, your lovers, better not be present tense (mhm)  
'Cause I want everyone to know that you are mine and no one elses  
Whoa, oh, oh

By now, Tobi had become famous. Karaoke bar famous, anyway. And he was loving it. _Maybe Senpai will love me now!_ Poor Tobi. So clueless...

_Break it down now!_

Ain't no other, ain't, ain't no other, other  
Ain't no other, ain't, ain't no other lover  
Ain't no other, I, I, I need no other  
Ain't no other man but you, oh

You are there when I'm a mess  
Talk me down from every ledge  
Give me strength, boy, you're the best  
You're the only one who's ever passed every test

_Ain't no other man can stand up next to you  
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do  
You're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon  
You got soul, you got class, you got style, you're bad ass  
Ain't no other man, it's true  
Ain't no other man but you_

And now I'm telling you  
So, ain't no other man but you  
Oh, yeah

"He's...finally finshed...yeah." By this time, Deidara had already downed a few drinks, and was starting to get a little...fuzzy. Tobi took his bows, and put his cloak back on. He made his way down to his seat, and smiled at Deidara. "Senpaiiii, did you like it? Am I a good boy?!" Deidara sighed. "Tobi. Remind you to break your neck when we get home, kay?" Tobi nodded. "Okay Senpai!"

The man came back up again. "Well, that was one of the most interesting performances ever. Nowww, who wants to be brave and come up?" Deidara smirked. _Payback, Danna._ "Sasori-danna wants to go, yeah! He's been dying to, yeah!" Sasori whipped his head. "Deidara, what the hell?" Before he could say anything else, he was whisked on stage. "Fuck...What the hell...I don't know any good songs." The man nodded. "Alright then. We'll pick a random one for ya, then."

**-----x**

**o.o;**

**Um. Don't hurt me?**


	2. SexyPuppet

**Chapter two. Sasori brings Sexy Back. Hellz yah! 8D**

**I don't own Akatsuki or "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake.**

**-----x**

Sasori stood there, microphone in hand. He was waiting for that little bastard to pick his damn song. Deidara was sitting in the audience, grinning from ear to ear. Even Itachi managed a small smile. "This should be fun..." Suddenly, the man appeared behind Sasori. "Alrighty, we've got your song. Are you familiar with SexyBack?" Sasori looked at him like was from another planet. "No, I can't say that I am." The man just nodded. "Just follow along with the words...right there." He pointed to a screen, and then disappeared backstage. _I hate you Deidara...I realllly hate you._

The music started. _Ugh. Mainstream shit...great._

_I'm bringing sexy back;_

He stumbled through the first line, but got better as it progressed.

_them other boys don't know how to act.  
I think it's special, what's behind your back?  
so turn around and I'll pick up the slack._

"Ooh, Sasori got a JT song!" By now, Itachi had drank about twice as much as Deidara. His calm aura was now completely gone. He was a party weasel. "Wh000! Go Sasoriii!"

_Dirty babe, you see these shackles;  
baby I'm your slave.  
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave;  
it's just that no one makes me feel this way._

_Come here girl, go ahead be gone with it,  
COme to the back, go ahead be gone with it,  
VIP, go ahead be gone with it,  
Drinks on me, go ahead be gone with it,  
You see what you working with, go ahead be gone with it,  
You make me smile, go ahead be gone with it,  
Come here child, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on_.

Sasori couldn't help but give Deidara a glance._ I may hate you, but this is fun._

_I'm bringing sexy back;  
them motherfuckers don't know how to act.  
Come let me make up for the things you lack,  
cause you're burning up, I've got to get it fast._

Dirty babe, you see these shackles;  
baby I'm your slave.  
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave;  
it's just that no one makes me feel this way.

Deidara stared at Sasori. He was meant for this, even if he didn't want to admit it. _He looks so pretty up there, yeah..._

_Come here girl, go ahead be gone with it,  
COme to the back, go ahead be gone with it,  
VIP, go ahead be gone with it,  
Drinks on me, go ahead be gone with it,  
You see what you working with, go ahead be gone with it,  
You make me smile, go ahead be gone with it,  
Come here child, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on_.

_I'm bringing sexy back;  
them motherfuckers watch how I attack.  
If that's your girl, better watch your back,  
cause you're burning up for me, and that's a fact._

_Come here girl, go ahead be gone with it,  
COme to the back, go ahead be gone with it,  
VIP, go ahead be gone with it,  
Drinks on me, go ahead be gone with it,  
You see what you working with, go ahead be gone with it,  
You make me smile, go ahead be gone with it,  
Come here child, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on, go ahead be gone with it,  
Get your sexy on_.

Knowing the song was over, Sasori took a quick bow, and hurriedly walked back to his seat. He could already smell those damned fangirls coming.

"Sasori-danna, I never knew you were into Justin, yeah." Sasori gave him a look. "I'm not. They chose for me."

"Oh. Well, it was good, yeah." Sasori gave a small smile. "Thanks."

Once again, Mr. Announcer Man stepped up. "Well, that sure was sexy. Who's next?" Now Itachi, he was just completely out of it. He wasn't 'Mr. I'mma eat your babies' anymore. Oh no. He was 'Mr. I wanna party till the sun comes up.' He called out. "Ooooh, I wanna go! I'mma go. And I'mma sing. Just for you, my little fish bishie." Kisame blushed. The two had been going out for awhile now, but no one really knew about it. _Well, the cat's outta the bag.._

**-----x**

**Oh god. What song will a drunken Itachi sing? Lord only knows...**


	3. Itachi's Public Affair

**This chapter is dedicated to my best bud Renee, because she's like, a diehard Itachi fangirl x3**

**I don't own the Akatsuki.**

**Or "Public Affair" by Jessica Simpson oo**

**-----x**

Itachi clambered up onto the stage, giving a drunken smile to the audience. "Kisame, how many drinks did he have, yeah?" Kisame shook his head. "He drank 'em so fast that I couldn't count..." _Itachi's always had sort of a drinking problem._

"Sokay, alll. Meh name's Itachiii, and this song ish dedicated to meh lovah, Kisame. I love j000." He made a kissy face at Kisame, who was blushing. Sasori nudged him. "So Kisame, how is he in bed, huh?" Kisame smiled, almost dreamily. "He's perfect..." The puppet man raised his eyebrows, obviously surprised by the answer. He was broken out of his trance when he heard a bubbly, popp-ish sounding song. "Oh god...what the hell is he doing?"

_There go the street lights  
The night's officially on  
I got the green light  
To do whatever I want  
I'm gonna stand outside the box  
And put the rules on hold_

Tonight

Carte blanche, first class for the evening Ready, set, go...

Deidara, Sasori, and Kisame just sat there, dumbstruck, but Tobi was up, dancing and cheering. "God, it's like they're related or something, yeah." Sasori nodded. "Hn. I think I'm gonna go to the bar. Want anything, Deidara?" He shook his head. "No thanks Sasori-danna, yeah."

_All the girls stepping out for a public affair All night, let's rock Cause the party don't stop.  
You know the cameras come out for a public affair Who cares, let's rock Cause the party don't stop._

Hey baby  
I see you looking over here baby  
Are you gonna keep looking or  
get up and talk to me  
Here's an opportunity  
That you don't want to miss

Itachi pointed to Kisame as he sang the verse, causing the audience to look at him. Kisame smiled nervously. _Don't give us away, Itachi..._

_Carte blanche, first class for the evening Ready, set, go..._

_All the girls stepping out for a public affair All night, let's rock Cause the party don't stop.  
You know the cameras come out for a public affair Who cares, let's rock Cause the party don't stop._

Itachi pranced around the stage, attempting to re-create someone's dance moves.

_Do what you wanna do  
Tonight the world does not exist  
No no no no  
Move how how you wanna move  
All my girls work it out like this  
Give me room to  
Shake shake shake_

He finally started...booty dancing. Yes, booty dancing. That got many cheers from the girls in the room. But Kisame cheered loudest of all. Deidara just sat there. "Fuck, where's my camera, yeah?" He wanted pictures, for Hidan, and for blackmail usage... 

_All the girls stepping out for a public affair All night, let's rock Cause the party don't stop.  
You know the cameras come out for a public affair Who cares, let's rock Cause the party don't stop._

"Catch me Kisameeee!" He jumped off the stage, hoping that his shark-like lover would catch him. Kisame rose to the challenge, running over and catching him bridal style. "So, how was I Kisame?" Kisame smiled at him, kissing his forehead. "You were awesome, Itachi."

Deidara sat up, looking around the bar. "Where did Sasori go..yeah." He turned his head over to the bar, where he got the shock of his life. Sasori, his Sasori no Danna, was in a full on makeout session! A bar hookup? How much more pathetic could you get? He looked closely at the back of the girl's head. Pink hair. You know what that meant. _Slut, yeah._ Suddenly, he had an idea. Deidara had heard a song on the radio the other day, and thought it was perfect for the occasion. Before the man came onto the stage, Deidara ran up to the stage. "I'm gonna get Sasori-danna away from that hoe, yeah..."

**-----x**

**Yes, the pink haired girl is Sakura. I don't like Sakura. Just a warning. ;D**

**So, what song will Deidara sing to get Sasori away from her...?**


	4. Deidara doesn't like Sasori's Girlfriend

**Is Deidara going to be able to get Sasori away from the pink haired slut:o**

**I don't like Sakura. Expect some bashing.**

**I don't own Akatsuki.**

**Or "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. Yes. Girlfriend. 8D**

**-----x**

Sasori was in the middle of a pretty hot makeout session near the bar. He had started talking to her, then, well, one thing had led to another, and well, now they were making out. Sasori felt a little cheimstry between them, but not enough to carry a solid relationship. Sure, she was pretty, but seemed a little ditzy, and a little weak. But hell, could she kiss. That's all Sasori was really focusing on, that is, until he happened to move his eyes toward the stage. _Deidara...what could he possibly be singing?_

Deidara caught Sasori's glance, and glared at him. _I'll show that little whore, yeah._ He had only heard this song the other day on the Akatsuki radio, and felt like this could win his Sasori-danna over.

He started singing almost immediately once the music started, glaring at Sasori and Pinky the whole time.

_Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I don't like your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Think you need a new one,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I could be your girlfriend,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I know that you like me,  
No way, no way,  
No its not a secret,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I want to be your girlfriend!_

Sasori froze mid-kiss. He was entranced by Deidara. His voice sounded so feminine, yet so...manly, at the same time.

_You're so fine,  
I want you; mine,  
You're so delicious,  
I think about you all the time,  
You're so addictive,  
Don't you know what I can do,  
To make you feel alright?  
Don't pretend, I think you know,  
I'm damn precious,  
And Hell yea,  
I'm the MotherFuckin' Princess,  
I can tell you like me too,  
And you know I'm right._

Deidara pointed straight at Sasori, and while singing the next verse, made X's at the pink haired girl.

_She's like "So, whatever",  
You could do so much better,  
I think we should get together now,  
(And that's what everyone's talkin about)_

_Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I don't like your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Think you need a new one,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I could be your girlfriend,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I know that you like me,  
No way, no way,  
No its not a secret,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I want to be your girlfriend!_

_I can see the way,  
I see the way you look at me,  
And even when you look away,  
I know you think of me,  
I know you talk about me all the time,  
Again and again,  
So come over here,  
And tell me what I wanna hear,  
Better yet, make your girlfriend dissapear,  
I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again (again and again and again)._

Sasori couldn't take it. He was falling for the blonde. Sure, he had thought Deidara was cute before, but now...just...woah. Itachi noticed the look on his face as he watched Deidara and kissed at the same time. "He's not feeling that 'lil, hooker." He smirked. "She looks like a total air-head anyways, unlike meeee, for I am the great Itachi Uchiha, murderer of the great Uchiha clan, and the sexiest Akatsuki member everrr!" He stood on the table, making a model pose. "Heh heh, Itachi...sit down." Kisame managed to pull him back down, into his lap.

_She's like "So, whatever",  
You could do so much better,  
I think we should get together now,  
(And that's what everyone's talkin about)_

_Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I don't like your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Think you need a new one,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I could be your girlfriend,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I know that you like me,  
No way, no way,  
No its not a secret,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I want to be your girlfriend._

_(Oh)  
In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger,  
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better,  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid, what the Hell were you thinkin'?_

Deidara smirked. He was winning, and Pinky was losing. _Sasori's gonna be mine by the end of the night, yeah._

_(Oh)  
In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger,  
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better,  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid, what the Hell were you thinkin'?_

Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I don't like your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Think you need a new one,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I could be your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I know that you like me,  
No way, no way,  
No its not a secret,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I want to be your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I don't like your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Think you need a new one,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I could be your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I know that you like me,  
No way, no way,  
No its not a secret,  
Hey, hey,  
You, you,  
I want to be your girlfriend,  
No way, no way,  
Hey, HEY!

On the last 'HEY', Deidara jumped off the stage, running towards Sasori. He pushed the pink girl out of the way, sending her flying into the wall. "Bitch, Sasori-danna's MINE, yeah. RAWR." He turned to Sasori, and smirked, jumping into his arms. "Sasori-danna, you're mine, and no one else's. I dun ever wanna see you doing that again, kay, yeah?" He put a finger on Sasori's nose, and moved in to kiss him. Sasori smiled. "I love you too, Deidara."

Now, when Itachi and Kisame saw this, they cheered. "Finally, we get to see some SasorixDeidara yaoi! Wh000!" But Tobi, he was upset. He wanted Deidara to do that to _him_, not Sasori. "Oh well. Sasori-san's much more of a man than I'll ever be..." He hung his head, sending a faint deathwish to Sasori.

**-----x**

**Poor Tobi...D:**


	5. Coming Home

**Last chapter. It was just a crack fic, after all. Hope you all enjoyed it. 3**

**I don't own the Akatsuki.**

**-----x**

The door to the Akatsuki lair opened, and the five members walked in. Well, Itachi was passed out in Kisame's arms, but whatever. Sasori and Deidara were cuddling as they walked, and Tobi followed behind, studying Sasori's every movement.

Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting in the living room, having just come back from their latest mission. "Where the fuck were you assholes?"

Sasori smirked. "Tobi suggested we go to a Karaoke bar. Thanks for making us go out, by the way, Tobi." Tobi merely shook his head. He was too jealous of Sasori to even speak to him.

"No fair! I would've loved to see that!" Hidan pouted. Kakuzu gave him them all an irritated look. "I don't care what you did, just, how much money did you spend?"

"All of it, yeah."

"What?! I'll kill you!" Deidara hid behind Sasori. "I'm kidding! Actually, Itachi spent the most. As you can see, he's drunk, and passed out, yeah...Oh, and Hidan, I got pictures for you, yeah." Deidara flashed him his digital camera, full of pictures of Itachi booty dancing and Sasori being sexy. _Maybe I'll just keep the Sasori pictures, yeah..._

"Pictures? Shit, I wanna see those little fuckers. Gimme the damn camera." Hidan lunged at Deidara, in hopes of retrieving the camera. "Sasori-danna, protect me, yeah!"

There was a loud thud, followed by cursing, and then more thuds.

**-----x**

Leader-sama looked up from his paperwork. "What the hell are those idiots doing now?" He stood up, and went to go to tell them all to shut up.

What awaited him in the living room was quite the shocker.

Sasori, Hidan, and Deidara were in heap on the floor, fighting over what looked to a camera. Itachi had woken up, and was dancing on the coffee table in the living room, joined by Tobi. Kisame was trying to calm him down, and Kakuzu just sat there, mumbling something about money.

Leader-sama shook his head. "I don't even want to know."

**-----x**

**END. :D**


End file.
